#Worst weekend to have weekended for a long time
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𝐋𝐀𝐒 𝐕𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐒 ꕥ MAX VERSTAPPEN
summary. celebrating max’s 4th title was not in your plans.
warnings. piastri!reader, max is kinda obsessed with reader, public s3x (?), unprotected pinv, fingering, just straight up dirty.
gabri speaks! i’ve been thinking about mexico gp max and las vegas sealed the deal for me.
THERE’S A BRIEF moment of silence, of anticipation, and of complete confusion. The DJ had paused the setlist less than an hour in announcing there was a special guest appearance. Then as if on cue tonight’s race is plastered on the giant screen behind him and the words, “Max Verstappen,” echo throughout the nightclub. You resist the urge to roll your eyes knowing someone might be recording you, or your brother at least.
“I thought he was flying back?” You cover your mouth with your hand as you talk with your brother.
“I thought so too.” Your brother hums in your ear trying to hide his annoyed tone. Your brother got along with Max just fine but all he wanted was one night without F1 getting mentioned.
You on the other hand…
You’d only been in the paddock a handful of times but every race weekend you had managed to have the worst encounter with the dutch man. The first time had been incidentally, you faintly recall the energy drink splashing all over your new dress. You knew from the get go that it had been an accident but when Max didn’t as so much as a muster a quick sorry and instead went on his way you had no choice but to hate him.
“He’s such a dick.” You murmur to yourself unaware your brother catches your words.
“Be nice.” Oscar motions towards the countless people recording him.
“I’m gonna get another drink.” You sigh.
The music resumes and you find yourself into a crowd of dancing couples. Your short orange dress sticks to you as you walk towards the bar. It’d been a long night with your brother not getting the result he hoped for. The post race recap inside the garage had been brutal as well. You had watched as the championship slipped from Lando’s hands and Max claimed victory once again. It had been the worst two hours of your life to say the least. You’re way too frustrated to even notice the man approaching you. In a split second you’re covered in something that smelled similar to…
“Asshole.” You mumble.
“Mini Piastri?�� He gasps dramatically. “Why are you here? I wouldn’t think you’d be celebrating after tonight.”
“Well, the world doesn’t revolve around you.” You scoff. “Does it Max?”
“I’d argue that it does actually. Considering your mood, you’d be happier if your little boyfriend had actually managed to have a good race.” He taunts you.
“Look, can you get out of my way? I have to go clean up the mess you made.” You point towards the huge spots of alcohol on your dress.
You don’t even wait for him to respond before pushing past him, brushing shoulders in the process, to head straight to the bathroom. You do your best to dodge those who already have had a bit too much to drink, unaware that the dutchman is right behind you. It’s not until you’re opening the door and notice it takes a minute too long to close that you turn around and spot him. His white dress shirt is already half unbuttoned while his hair is a mess. You stare at him incredulously as he leaned against the sink.
“Max, you can’t be in here.” You state bluntly.
“I don’t recall you telling Lando to piss off when he followed you into the bathroom in Austin.” He counters.
“How do- What?” You’re taken aback by his words. How did he know?
He ignores your question choosing to walk towards you instead. You’re now face to face with the man that had taken away your team’s championship. His eye bags are dark and you can tell it’s been a while since he’s gotten a good needed break. His tousled hair falls perfectly on his head and by the way his arms flex you can tell he’s been putting extra effort into them at the gym. All of a sudden you’re nervous to be under his glare.
“Does your brother know what you and Lando do in secret?” He questions.
“You should leave.” You try to sound confident but your faltering voice exposes you.
Max just smirks at your words knowing he was getting under your skin. He still recalls the first time he ran into you, when he spilled half a can of red bull on you. He doesn’t know why he didn’t apologize but when he saw the anger in your face he realized why. You had looked so beautiful that day with the short orange sundress that did nothing to hide your cleavage. He still remembers the disappointment he felt when he saw you and Lando walk out of the restroom all disheveled. So, when he beat Lando tonight he felt absolutely no remorse.
His lips ghost yours for what feels like an eternity. You’re frozen in place wondering how his lips would taste against yours. Maybe it was the alcohol or the way his arms flex around you but suddenly you needed to know what he felt like. His arm tentatively grazes yours as it sneaks down to your knees. A gasp finds itself leaving your lips as your legs spread open instinctively. He wants to make fun of you, of the way you melt under him so easily, but he knows better. He can’t risk ruining the moment. It’s when Max inches his fingers closer to your thighs that you suddenly realize what’s happening. In a matter of seconds you push him off you and head out the door.
You’re barely four steps out when Max yanks you back and you hit his built chest. This time he doesn’t hesitate and grabs your jaw pulling your face towards his. Your lips meet in a heated kiss as his arms find their way around your waist. This time you’re the one that moves his hands from your wait to your ass. The confidence was beginning to build up and soon enough you’re tugging on his hair as his tongue enters your mouth.
“Max…” You moan and somehow it becomes the indicator that you want this. That you want him.
He pushes you flat against the cold brick of the hallway, the dimmed lights helping hide your bodies from the crowd. You’re lucky he holds you up because your legs feel like jello and if he lets go you might lose your balance. His hands roam your waist, back, and neck before he moves your hair out of the way. His lips leave a trail of wet kisses around your neck as his hands work their way down to your legs. They slowly glide up until he’s playing with the hem of your short dress. You can already feel his growing erection press against your ass.
“Tell me to stop and I will.” He groans against your ear.
You really want to tell him to fuck off but your body reacts differently. You’re shocked when instead of telling him to call it a night all you murmur is keep going. In a matter of seconds your dress is being pulled up towards your waist. You can’t help the whine that escapes your lips as he rubs your aching core through your panties.
“So wet already.” He groans. “For me or Lando?”
“Shut up.” You still find it in you to annoy him.
To your surprise he doesn’t hit you with another remark. Max had been an asshole to you long enough. Now, that you were in front of him practically falling apart he didn’t want to ruin the moment. There’s a brief moment of silence before his hand carefully moves your panties to the side exposing your core to the cool breeze. Your legs spread instinctively as his fingers tempt your folds. His fingers collect your slick as he explores you, the wet sound making him groan against you. Slowly, he brings one of his fingers to your hole entering it carefully.
“Fuck.” He moans against your ear as your cunt wraps tightly around his finger.
“Ma- Max. So close.” You’re barely able to say.
You let out a loud whine as he curls his finger inside of you leading to your climax. You come around his fingers as you coat them with your wetness. His fingers slowly move toward your mouth and you don’t hesitate as you take them into your mouth, tasting yourself. He almost comes undone as you lick his fingers seductively. Aggressively he grabs your jaw and kisses you. He groans as he tastes you.
You feel the tip of him first as he runs it up and down your folds teasing you. Your hands are weak against the wall as his tip approaches your aching hole. He enters you slowly, holding you tightly in the process. He stops halfway through not wanting to hurt you but when he hears your dirty moans he continues. Your nails dig tightly into his arms as he fills you up completely. He’s quite big and the new sensation has you spiraling trying your best to not fall against him. He takes advantage of your weakness and attacks your neck again making sure to leave love bites around your collarbone.
“Fuck, Max. You’re so big.” You whine without thinking.
You feel his dick twitch inside you at that. Your voice has him in a trance as he tries his best to not just start thrusting inside of you. It’s not until you start pushing your ass against him that he almost pulls out fully before thrusting back into you. His hands grip your ass tightly—surely leaving marks for tomorrow—as your cunt squeezes him. He’s never felt such a thrill, at least since Abu Dhabi, you were your own feeling. He couldn’t believe you had finally opened up to him in many ways you were way better than winning another trophy. Many curses escape your lips as he finds the perfect pace inside of you.
He manages to bend you over leading to the perfect position and somehow he’s even deeper inside of you. He grips your hair into a makeshift ponytail as he speeds up inside of you. His hand trails back to your cunt and slowly he starts playing with your folds. The feeling of his cock inside of you and fingers rubbing your folds is intense and you find a camisole feeling in your stomach approach you. You squeeze him tightly as his dick hits the right spot and you find yourself coming undone. You’ve never had an orgasm so intense in your life you don’t even notice how you coat his dick with your wetness.
Max isn’t far behind and speeds up at the feeling of your cunt squeezing him tightly. Your nails dig behind you at the overstimulation and stretch of his cock. Max hisses at the sensation finding it the tipping point. It’s not long before you feel his dick twitch inside of you and in a matter of seconds you feel him spill his seed inside of you. He grunts as he empties himself and as he pulls out. He pulls you up adjusting your dress in the process.
You bite your lip as he zips up his pants. The aftermath of your little rendezvous is different. Usually with others you don’t stay long enough to watch them dress themselves. But then you notice Max struggling with the buttons on his dress shirt and you find your hands on his chest again. You only button half of the shirt before stepping back. Neither of you say a word but the silence manages to speak for you both. You decide it’s time to go back but before you can take a step Max pulls you in for a final kiss before he leaves.
You’re barely able to walk back towards the VIP lounge and stumble multiple times in the process. You try your best to brush your hair down and fix your dress as you come closer to your brother’s booth. You sit down carefully unaware your brother is staring at you wide eyed and wondering why it took you almost an hour to get a drink. You shift awkwardly in your seat as Lily begins telling you both about her mixup at the airport. You turn around briefly as she goes into detail when you notice Max walking past your table. You keep your composure not wanting to expose your actions of the night but you should’ve known better. Oscar almost bursts out laughing at Max’s completely unbuttoned shirt.
“Lando’s gonna be pissed.” Your brother smirks.
“How do-” Did everyone know? “Oh, fuck off.”
The night progresses with your brother ordering countless bottles of Dom Pérignon. It’s almost five in the morning when Max takes the stage again with the DJ playing a remix of Super Max. As if on cue someone hands him a bottle of champagne and it doesn’t take long for him to start spraying it amongst those on the dance floor. You watch attentively as his chest shows the marks you left completely unaware of how your phone buzzes for the hundredth time that night.
9 missed calls from Lan
Lan: Tonight was shit.
Lan: Come over?
#this is a one time thing 🏃🏽♀️#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen smut#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen fic#f1 smut#f1 x reader#gabri writes
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Long shot for Nando with wife reader. All season long, Brad Pitt and his crew have been filming and causing troubles for him (like in quali, idk remember which one). His patient has come to an end. He wanted to punch him seeing the man filming at the Las Vegas GP. Only her could calm her down and the AM team quickly pushes her in his direction while Lancey watches the drama unfold. Need some tension and fun😜 Do however you want to. Fluff/suggestive/sweet. Thanks!! :))
Under the Lights, In the Spotlight
The Las Vegas Grand Prix weekend was proving to be a thrilling yet utterly maddening affair. The city pulsed with energy—neon lights flickering in rhythm with the beating hearts of the fans who flooded the streets—but inside the paddock, the tension in Fernando Alonso’s chest was palpable. Every rev of the engine, every sharp turn on the track, felt heavier, more charged. It wasn’t just the competition or the unpredictability of the new circuit. It was him—Brad Pitt.
For weeks, Nando had endured the constant presence of the Hollywood icon and his documentary crew, following him, filming him, invading his every moment of solitude. Monaco had been the worst. Brad, with his signature, easy smile, had stood next to the pit wall during qualifying, camera angled right at Nando’s face while he fought for every millisecond on the unforgiving streets of Monte Carlo. Brad’s casual demeanor in the midst of such high-stakes pressure had been an irritation Nando could barely suppress.
This weekend, however, Brad had pushed him too far. The cameras had followed him through every practice session, lingering over his every movement, capturing his frustration, his effort, even his exhaustion. It was as if Nando had become the star of his own reality show—whether he wanted to be or not.
By the time they hit qualifying, Nando was on the verge of snapping. The circuit was difficult to read, his car was struggling to find grip, and the media circus surrounding him had reached its boiling point. It felt like Brad’s camera was always there, right behind him, in his face, recording every angry expression, every moment of frustration. He had been so close to losing his cool—just one more shot and Nando might have lost it entirely.
Then, he spotted him.
Brad stood at the edge of the paddock, his camera focused squarely on Nando. That was it. That last ounce of composure Nando had left slipped away, the red-hot anger rising in his veins. He gripped the wheel of his car tightly, the rubber of his tires burning against the asphalt as he tried to focus, but all he could see was that damn camera lens.
His thoughts were consumed by it. Why can’t they just leave me alone? Why does he have to be here, every single race? The rage built like a storm, and Nando knew it was only a matter of time before he did something he’d regret. He might’ve marched over to Brad, snatched the camera from his hands, and thrown it across the paddock—anything to make the damn thing stop following him.
But just as the storm inside him reached its peak, his eyes found something—or rather, someone—that immediately changed everything.
You.
There, in the midst of the chaos, you were standing on the sidelines, watching, as always, with a calm and steady presence. You had arrived only a few hours before, fresh from your own work commitments, but in that moment, you were everything Nando needed. His heart softened, his breathing steadied. The tension in his shoulders released, and for the first time that entire weekend, he felt grounded.
You caught his eye from across the paddock, and for a split second, the world seemed to slow. It wasn’t just the way you smiled at him, a soft, reassuring look that only you could give. It was the way he felt when he looked at you. The storm inside him began to calm, the heavy pressure of the cameras, the noise, the crowd—it all faded into the background as if you had somehow erased it with just a glance.
As the Aston Martin team quickly pushed you toward him, Lance Stroll, who had been watching the whole scene unfold with the sort of amused detachment only he could muster, leaned over to a nearby mechanic and whispered loud enough for Nando to hear, “Man’s whipped. Can’t even stay mad with her around.”
Nando rolled his eyes, but the lightness in his chest betrayed him. Whipped? He didn’t care. You were the one person who could always bring him back to reality, always make him feel right again.
Lance wasn’t wrong. Nando knew it, and honestly, he didn’t give a damn.
When you finally reached him, your fingers brushed against his arm, the contact instantly grounding him. You could see the frustration still flickering in his eyes, the remnants of the anger that hadn’t quite dissipated. But you also saw the moment it all unraveled the second he looked at you.
He didn’t need words. Your presence was enough.
“Hey,” you said softly, your voice low but full of warmth. “I’m here.”
You reached up, cupping his face with your palm as you guided his gaze to meet yours. You smiled, that gentle smile that only you could give, and suddenly everything made sense again. His racing thoughts quieted. The anger evaporated. The tension that had held him hostage for days slipped away, leaving behind only a sense of peace that he could never quite describe.
For a long moment, you simply held each other’s gaze. No words. Just that understanding, that bond. It was a connection that was undeniable, something that even the chaos of the paddock couldn’t break. In your eyes, he saw his home, his peace, his everything. He exhaled deeply, as though releasing all the pent-up frustration in his lungs.
“Thank you,” he whispered, more to himself than to you.
Your smile widened. “I don’t need to hear that, Nando,” you replied with a playful wink. “But you’re welcome.”
His lips curved upward, his heart finally at ease. Then, almost as if on instinct, he leaned in, brushing his lips lightly against your forehead, just the way he always did when the world felt too heavy.
“You’re magic, you know that?” he muttered, just loud enough for you to hear, as his lips lingered near your skin.
You chuckled, your eyes twinkling with mischief. “I’m your magic, babe.”
The moment was pure, a soft, comforting exchange amid the storm of the paddock. You were his anchor. You always had been.
But of course, just as the moment began to settle, Lance Stroll couldn’t resist.
“Whipped,” he called out loudly, enough for several people nearby to hear, and Nando’s cheeks flushed. He pulled back from you, his grin wide, and gave Lance a mock glare.
“Shut up, Lance,” Nando called over his shoulder, his voice gruff but playful. “At least I don’t have to be chased by a camera every second of my life.”
Lance laughed, raising his hands in mock surrender. “Alright, alright. I get it. No need to go all soft on me, man.”
Nando turned back to you, and the smile you gave him made him forget, yet again, about the world around him.
As the cameras continued to hover, as Brad’s lens still loomed nearby, Nando didn’t care anymore. The pressure didn’t matter. The circus? It was all just noise.
He had you.
And with you by his side, there was nothing he couldn’t handle. Even if it was annoying ass cameras
#f1 imagine#f1 scenario#f1 x reader#formula one#fernando alonso x reader#fernando alonso x female reader#fernando alonso fluff#fernando alonso x you#fernando alonso fanfic#fernando alonso#f1 fanfic#lance stroll#aston martin#fanfic
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Cold Food, Warm Heart
Kwon Eunbi x Reader
Note: waaaaa my first ever ult bias. I missed writing Eunbi fics sooo tyty
(IZ*ONE Eunbi is still in my heart 💙)
The first time Eunbi cancelled on you, it was easy to shrug off. Work comes first—it always has for her. She called you an hour before she was supposed to show up, apologizing profusely about an unscheduled meeting with her management team.
“Next time, I promise,” she’d said, her voice warm and familiar, the kind of voice that could melt even your worst frustrations.
You’d smiled, even though she couldn’t see it. “It’s fine, Eunbi. I get it. Don’t stress about it.”
And at the time, you had meant it. One canceled date wasn’t the end of the world. She was busy; she had responsibilities. You admired her drive, her passion for her work. It was one of the reasons you fell for her in the first place.
But then it happened again. And again.
Dinner plans were rescheduled. Weekend meetups turned into fleeting visits. Late-night calls were cut short because she was too tired to keep her eyes open. You stopped planning anything altogether because you knew there was always a chance she’d cancel.
It wasn’t that she didn’t care. You knew Eunbi loved you; she told you in every quick text, every kiss on the forehead before she rushed off to her next schedule. But the words were starting to feel hollow when her actions said otherwise.
You couldn’t even pinpoint when it started hurting so much—when the excuses and the apologies began to feel like cracks in the foundation of what you’d built together. Maybe it was the night you waited up for her, a plate of her favorite pasta going cold on the counter, only for her to text at 11 PM: Just got done. Heading home. Sorry.
Or maybe it was the day you saw her on TV, laughing and smiling during a variety show recording while you sat at home, wondering when she’d last laughed like that with you.
She wasn’t doing anything wrong. She was working hard, chasing her dreams, achieving things she’d always talked about. But somewhere along the way, you started feeling like a footnote in her life, an afterthought buried under schedules, photoshoots, and fan meetings.
You told yourself you’d wait it out, that things would get better once her workload lightened. But weeks turned into months, and the ache in your chest only grew.
By the time Saturday night rolled around, you were already bracing yourself. Eunbi had said she’d come over after work, but you weren’t holding your breath. You tried to distract yourself, cleaning the apartment, scrolling through your phone, turning the TV on and off. None of it worked.
Your phone buzzes on the coffee table, the name lighting up the screen like a beacon.
Eunbi.
For a second, you think about letting it go to voicemail, but it’s not a call. Just a text.
I’m on my way. See you soon!
it should have brought relief. Instead, it felt like a bandaid on a wound too deep to heal.
The thing is, it’s not that you don’t want to see her. You really want to see her.
It’s that every time you do, it feels like a reminder of how much you don’t deep down. Weeks turn into months, and the glimpses of her you get in person feel like water through your fingers—fleeting, impossible to hold onto.
You’re tired of pretending it doesn’t affect you.
The knock at the door snaps you out of your spiral. You rise slowly, dragging your feet toward the entrance. When you open it, she’s there, bundled in an oversized coat, her cheeks flushed from the cold. Her smile is dazzling as always, but instead of warming you, it feels like a spotlight, too bright to look at for long.
“Hi,” she says, stepping inside and shrugging off her coat. She’s carrying a bag, which she sets down by the door. “I brought food! And I got those cookies you love from the bakery near my shoot.”
You nod slightly, shutting the door behind her. “Thanks.”
She glances at you, her smile faltering for just a moment. “You okay? You look… tired.”
“Yeah, just tired,” you mutter, moving back to the couch and sitting down. She follows, sitting close enough that her knee brushes yours.
“You didn’t eat yet, did you?” she asks, rummaging through the bag. “I got your favourite. We can eat now if you’re hungry.”
“I’m fine…” You groaned, the annoyance oozed out more than you wanted.
The silence stretched between you, heavy and suffocating. Finally, she set the food down, turning to face you fully.
“Okay, what’s going on?” she asked, her tone firmer now. “You’ve been like this for weeks, and every time I ask, you just say you’re tired. I know there’s more to it, so talk to me.”
Her words should have been comforting, but they only made the knot in your chest tighten.
You hesitate, your eyes fixed on the floor. This is what you always do—swallow the words, bury the feelings, let them rot inside until they’re nothing but bitterness. But tonight, the weight of it is unbearable.
“I don’t know, Eunbi,” you say, your voice low, almost to yourself. “I don’t know if I’m…fine.”
She frowns, her hand resting lightly on your arm. “What’s wrong? Talk to me.”
You let out a sharp, bitter laugh, and her hand withdraws. “What’s wrong?” you repeat. “What isn’t? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. And when I do, it’s like you’re here, but not really here.”
Her brows knit together in confusion. “What are you talking about? I’m here now, aren’t I? I came straight from work—”
“That’s the problem!” you cut her off, your voice louder than you intended. You take a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. “You’re always coming straight from work, or going back to it. When was the last time you spent more than a couple of hours here? When was the last time we just… talked?”
“We’re talking now,” she says softly, but there’s a tremble in her voice. “I know I’ve been busy, but this is my job. This is what I’ve always wanted—”
“And what about what I want?!” you snap, your chest tightening with the weight of everything you’ve held back. “I want us, Eunbi. I want to feel like I’m a part of your life, not just some afterthought squeezed in between schedules.”
Her eyes widen, and for a moment, she looks like she’s about to cry. “You’re not an afterthought,” she says, her voice trembling. “You’re the most important person to me. You know that.”
“Do I?” The words tumble out before you can stop them. “Because it doesn’t feel like it. It feels like I’m competing with everyone else—your fans, your managers, your career….And I’m always losing.”
“That’s not fair,” she said softly, her brows furrowing. “You know how hard my career is—”
“Hard?” You laughed bitterly, shaking your head. “You know hard it is to just swallow it. I’ve been trying to be understanding, to support you, to tell myself it’s okay that I’m always second—no, third—to your career. But I’m not okay, Eunbi. I’m tired. I’m so damn tired.”
She stares at you, her mouth opening and closing like she’s searching for the right words. “I… I didn’t know you felt like this.”
“Of course, you didn’t,” you say bitterly. “Because I never say anything. I knew that before we start dating. I’ve been sitting here, telling myself it’s fine, that I should just support you no matter what."
Your knuckles turned white from the frustration. "Call me a hypocrite all you want, but I’m-“
You swallowed a sob. “I’m so tired of pretending I don’t feel like I’m slowly disappearing from your life.”
Her hands clench into fists on her lap, and tears well up in her eyes. “I’m trying,” she whispers. “I’m trying so hard to make this work. Do you think it’s easy for me? Do you think I don’t miss you every second I’m not here?”
“Then why does it feel like I’m the only one breaking under this?” Your voice cracks, and you hate the way it sounds—so raw, so vulnerable. “I don’t want to feel like this, but I don’t know how to stop.”
She reaches for you again, her fingers brushing yours, but you pull away, standing abruptly. “I can’t do this right now,” you say, your voice hollow. “I’m exhausted.”
“Wait,” she says, standing as well. “Please don’t shut me out. We can figure this out. Just… don’t walk away.”
But you’re already heading toward the bedroom. The weight in your chest feels cold and unbearable like the untouched food, and all you want is to escape it, even if just for a little while.
“I’m tired, Eunbi,” you say without turning back. “I need to sleep.”
The door closes behind you with a soft click, and the silence that follows is deafening. You collapse onto the bed, your body heavy with exhaustion and regret. As your eyes close, you think you can still hear her muffled sobs from the other room. But the pull of sleep is stronger, and soon, it drags you under, leaving the echoes of her voice behind.
-
The sunlight streams through the cracks in your curtains, landing uninvited on your face. You blink awake, your body heavy with the lingering weight of last night’s exhaustion. It takes you a moment to remember why the air feels so suffocating, why your chest feels so hollow.
Then it hits you—her face, tear-streaked and trembling, her voice breaking as she begged you not to walk away.
You sit up slowly, rubbing a hand over your face. Guilt lingers like a bad taste in your mouth, but you push it aside as you swing your legs over the edge of the bed. The apartment is silent, eerily so, and for a moment, you wonder if she’s gone. When you open the door, your heart sinks.
She’s still here.
Eunbi is curled up on the couch, her body barely taking up half the space. Her coat is draped over her like a makeshift blanket, her head resting on a pillow she must’ve grabbed from the armrest. Her face is peaceful, but even in sleep, there’s a faint tension in her brow, as if her dreams haven’t quite let her escape the weight of last night.
You stand there for a moment, unsure of what to do. The sight of her like this tugs at something deep in your chest—a mix of guilt, sadness, and the faintest flicker of warmth. She stayed. Even after everything, she stayed.
The bag of food she brought is still on the coffee table, untouched. You glance at it, then back at her. The urge to do something—anything—gnaws at you, but you’re frozen in place, your feet rooted to the floor.
She stirs slightly, her brows furrowing as her eyes flutter open. For a second, she looks confused, her gaze darting around the room before landing on you.
“Hey,” she murmurs, her voice hoarse from sleep. She pushes herself up slowly, wincing as she stretches. “You’re up.”
You nod, unsure of what to say. The weight of last night’s words hangs heavy in the air between you.
“I… I was going to leave,” she says quietly, her fingers fidgeting with the edge of the coat. “But I thought—no, I hoped—you’d want to talk in the morning.”
Her eyes meet yours, searching for something—an answer, a sign, anything. You look away, your hands shoved deep into your pockets.
“I didn’t think you’d stay,” you admit, your voice barely above a whisper.
Her lips press into a thin line, and she nods slowly. “I thought about leaving. I didn’t want to make things harder for you. But I couldn’t just… walk away. Not like that.”
You let out a shaky breath, running a hand through your hair. “Eunbi, I…” The words catch in your throat. You don’t know where to start, how to untangle the mess of emotions swirling inside you.
“I’m sorry,” she says suddenly, cutting through the silence. Her voice trembles, and her hands curl into fists in her lap. “I’m sorry for making you feel like this. I didn’t realize how much I was hurting you. I thought—I thought I was doing enough just by showing up, but I wasn’t really here, was I?”
Her words hit you like a punch to the gut. You shake your head, swallowing hard. “It’s not just your fault. I should’ve said something sooner. I thought if I just kept quiet, it would be easier. For both of us.”
“But it wasn’t,” she says softly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “And now it feels like I’ve ruined everything.”
“You haven’t,” you say quickly, the urgency in your voice surprising even yourself. “We’re not ruined, Eunbi. We're never ruined…."
You paused for a moment, scrambling your head to find the right word. "We’re just… stuck. I don’t know how to fix this, but I don’t want to lose you.”
Her gaze softens, and for the first time since last night, she smiles—a small, tentative thing, but it’s there. “I don’t want to lose you either.”
The two of you sit in silence for a moment, the tension in the room slowly giving way to something softer. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.
“I’ll do better,” she says after a while. “I’ll make more time for us. Real time, not just whatever scraps I can manage between schedules. You deserve that much.”
You nod, the knot in your chest loosening slightly. “And I’ll be more honest. I’ll tell you when I’m struggling instead of bottling it up.”
She reaches out tentatively, her fingers brushing yours. This time, you don’t pull away.
“We’ll figure it out,” she says, her voice steady despite the tears slipping down her cheeks. “Together.”
You squeeze her hand lightly, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips. “Together.”
The silence stretches between you, but it’s no longer suffocating. Eunbi's hand lingers in yours for a moment longer before she pulls away, brushing the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand.
“So…” she begins, her voice still a little shaky but carrying the tiniest hint of warmth, “should we eat? I mean, if the food’s still okay.”
Your gaze flickers to the bag on the coffee table, and your stomach gives a low, traitorous grumble. You hadn’t realized how hungry you were, the weight of last night masking everything else.
“Yeah,” you say, your voice soft but firm. “We should.”
She gives a small, tentative smile and gets up, grabbing the bag and bringing it to the dining table. You follow her, sitting across from her as she starts pulling out the containers.
“I got your favourite,” she says, a bit shyly now, as if unsure of how you’d react. “It’s probably not as good reheated, but…”
“It’s fine,” you cut in gently. “Thank you.”
She looks up at you, surprised, then nods. Carefully, she opens the containers, the familiar aroma wafting through the air. Your stomach growls again, louder this time, and she lets out a soft laugh.
“Guess we should hurry before you pass out from hunger,” she teases lightly, sliding a plate over to you.
You shake your head, but there’s a faint tug at the corner of your lips. It’s small, but it’s something.
As you eat in silence, the tension that had clung to every word between you starts to dissolve. The food isn’t perfect—slightly cold and a little soggy—but it’s enough.
You two could’ve microwaved it, but last night was too draining for it to think about the obvious.
She watches you carefully, taking small bites of her own meal. Every so often, your eyes meet, and she gives you a faint smile.
“You know,” she says softly, breaking the quiet, “this isn’t how I imagined last night going.”
You pause mid-bite, glancing up at her. “Me neither.”
She lets out a breathy laugh, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “But… I’m glad we talked. Even if it hurt. I needed to hear it.”
You nod, chewing thoughtfully. “Me too.”
The weight in your chest feels lighter now, not gone but manageable. The food, her presence, the fragile understanding between you—it’s not a solution, but it’s a start.
As the last of the food disappears from the plates, she leans back in her chair, stretching her arms above her head. “Okay,” she says with a mock groan, “I think I’m officially in a food coma.”
You glance at her, the faintest hint of a smile crossing your face. “That’s what happens when you bring too much.”
She sticks her tongue out at you, the playfulness in her expression making her look years younger. For a moment, it’s almost like nothing’s changed.
“Thank you,” you say quietly, your eyes meeting hers.
“For…what?”
“For staying.”
Her smile softens, and she reaches across the table, her fingers brushing yours again. “I’ll always stay.”
The warmth of her words settles over you, filling the cracks that had formed over time. You don’t know what the future will bring, but for now, this is enough.
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breathless
panic attacks were normal. they were a part of life. or at least that's what joowon had to tell himself.
he's been riddled with them since he was a child. it started with the yelling between his mother and his father, so loud that even behind his closed door he could hear. his small hands over his ears did nothing to shut out the harsh tones. he began to withdraw, staying quiet and to himself to avoid any confrontation, especially from his father. when his mother dies, it only gets worse.
then came school, where joowon sat by himself in the corner of the room, quietly hoping that one day someone would sit down with him. it never came. by the time middle school came around he had the reputation of being cold and mean, but little did they know he was like that because of them.
he graduated school at the top of his class, then college, and now he has a full-time job. given, not the one he would have wanted--if han joowon could be anything it would be a photographer. a nature photographer to be specific. nothing calms him like being near the water.
his weekends usually consist of long drives to the coast, where he likes to sit on the sand and read by himself. the fresh air and the sounds of the waves always does him a load of good.
he tries to picture his favorite spot, just close enough to the dunes to not be affected by the tides but still close enough to be able to dip his toes in if he decided to. he thinks of the big uneven rocks that he likes to walk on during low-tide, the small island that only reveals itself an hour a day. he wonders how peaceful life would be if he could live there, away from everyone else. nothing works, though. when he goes to run his fingers through the sand he's met with the cold marble of his bathroom floor. when he strains his ears for the sound of the ocean, all he can hear is the gasps of his own breath.
it's the worst attack he's had in a while, all because he thought he saw his father in the crowd. his father, who wasn't even in the country, was too busy trying to make connections somewhere that wasn't korea. the gray hair was the same, the harsh line of his spine under a well-tailored suit was the same, everything was too similar. joowon barely got through the rest of his shift.
which is why now he's here, in his own bathroom, trying to not die. and the small rational part of his brain knows that he isn't going to actually die at this moment, but he can't get past how real it feels. his hands are clammy, his heart rate is through the roof, the walls are closing in. it feels like hell. he rushes to call hyeok, the only person who had ever had success in getting his breathing under control. his best friend picks up after one ring.
"yah! han joowon! it's been days since you last called. did you forget about me?"
"hyung," joowon gasps into the phone.
"joowon? what's going on, are you okay?" his friend's voice goes serious in an instant. "are you having a panic attack?" joowon can distantly hear the sound in the background of the call fade away, like hyeok is walking away from a crowd.
"it's bad," joowon admits, slightly ashamed. even though hyeok is his closest friend, he still hasn't been able to beat out the instinctive shame he feels at someone seeing him in a weak moment. "i can't breathe, hyung," he forces air into his lungs and feels not a single ounce of relief.
"let's calm your breathing down okay? breathe in for 8 counts, hold for 3, and then breathe out of your mouth for 7. like we used to do."
joowon nods like hyeok can see him, and tries. he really tries. and for a second he thinks it might be working and then a loud crash floats through the wall from the apartment next door and his muscles tense up again.
"are you at home, joowon-ah?" hyeok is starting to sound panicked too, and joowon feels bad for making him worry.
"yes," joowon whispers.
"i'm calling an ambulance," hyeok says firmly.
"hyung, no--"
"no, joowon. i'm five hours away and there's no one else to help you. i'm calling," hyeok cuts him off. joowon feels stupid for even calling him, completely forgetting that he's away on a business trip. "i'll call you right back," he hangs up before joowon can argue.
the seconds stretch into what feels like hours, joowon's heartbeat still stuttering in his chest, fingers digging into the soft fabric of his sleep pants. his vision starts to go fuzzy at the edges when hyeok calls him back. he swipes his phone across the screen to answer.
"they're on their way," hyeok soothes.
"okay," he replies quietly, dropping his head between his knees. "just talk to me, please."
"what to talk about," hyeok wonders out loud. "i've been rubbing elbows with annoying business men all day, joowon-ah. my social battery is depleted," he complains.
"are you drinking?"
"if i didn't i would've went back to the hotel hours ago," hyeok laughs.
their mindless conversation goes on until joowon finally feels something get lighter in his chest, signalling that hopefully the worst of it has passed. he hears the beep of his door code being entered and the lock turning open.
"you gave them my code?" joowon asks.
"it was an emergency," hyeok scoffs. "i don't wanna hear it."
"han joowon-ssi?" a voice calls into the hallway. footsteps shuffle around for a second before they come right up on the bathroom door, two knocks echoing through the space. "han joowon-ssi? this is sfd, we got a call that you weren't feeling too good."
"in here," he says weakly, fatigue seeping through his bones. attacks always make him exhausted by the end.
the door swings open to show three paramedics, the bright orange uniform looking odd against the neutrals of his home. the older man in the middle crosses the bathroom and kneels in front of him so they're face to face.
"han joowon-ssi? i'm lee dongsik, and that's park jeongje, and oh jihwa," he gestures to his colleagues. "we're just here to make sure you're alright, okay?" his voice was calm enough to soothe the frayed edges of joowon's nerves. he pulls out a pen and shines it into joowon's eyes, "pupils are even and reactive." he leans a bit into joowon's space, enough that joowon is forced to really look at him and realize just how handsome he is.
lee dongsik looked older, definitely at least a decade older than him. his hair was slightly long, just past his ears, and fell in shiny black waves. if joowon wasn't mistaken there were threads of silver in it. he's got lines around his eyes and his mouth that tell joowon that lee dongsik has lived a life of happiness, one where he was obviously smiling a lot. he smelled like cheap aftershave mixed with something else that joowon couldn't put his finger on. and now his heart is beating for a whole other reason.
"can i take your pulse?" lee dongsik asks, hand hovering over joowon's wrist, waiting for his consent. all joowon can think to do is nod.
he tries not to react at the spark he feels at the skin on skin contact, already embarrassed enough that the hottest man he's ever seen is seeing him like this. "do you normally have panic attacks?" dongsik asks, looking at the bulky black watch on his wrist.
"i've had them in the past, yes," joowon nods. he sees dongsik nod once and place his wrist back down to his lap. joowon mourns the touch immediately and wants to kick himself for it.
dongsik turns to his team, "looks like things are evening out. we should be fine to load the truck back up," he gestures to the equipment in their hands. they nod with a knowing look and turn around to do as he's asked.
"do you want to go to the hospital?" dongsik looks back at joowon, gaze fully locked in on his.
"no," joowon quickly says. "i think the worst has passed."
"let's get you up off the floor then," dongsik grins, something small and bright that shouldn't knock joowon off his ass but does anyways. the older man stands up first and reaches his hand down to joowon.
joowon only second guesses for a moment before taking the hand offered to him and allowing himself to be pulled up. lee dongsik's hands are slightly rough, calluses probably gained from long days on the job. they fit into joowon's own hands perfectly. he tries not to think of it.
joowon doesn't even want to imagine how he looks to dongsik right now, hair probably mussed, sleep clothes in disorder. he brushes his hair down self-consciously, and doesn't miss the way dongsik's lip twitches up.
"can i have my hand back?" dongsik laughs, eyes falling to where their palms are still fitted together. joowon hadn't even realized, dropping the other man's hand and trying to fight off the blush that he felt start to spread at the base of his neck. "not that i minded, but i do need both hands to write the report," dongsik reassures.
"not that you--" joowon clears his throat, the words that fell from the other man's lips replaying in his head. not that he minded? what does that mean? is he flirting? "no, of course, yeah that makes sense." he brushes past dongsik into the living room where he sits, still feeling tired from the attack. his heart rate wasn't fully back down and neither was his breathing, but at least it didn't feel like he was at death's door.
in the brighter light of the living room, joowon sees all of dongsik. he's slightly shorter than joowon himself, with a build that was definitely more lean. his belt was buckled around an absurdly small waist, and his thighs filled out the black work slacks beautifully. joowon feels his ears start to ring again. just his luck that the paramedic on the scene is something straight out of his teenage wet dreams.
there's a silence in the room that joowon desperately feels the need to fill, wanting dongsik's attention turned back to him and not the notepad he was currently writing on. which is why, like an idiot, he blurts out, "do you come here often?" as soon as the words leave his mouth he feels wracked with mortification.
dongsik looks up at him, a smirk on his lips, the pen twirling between long fingers, "do i come to your apartment often? sadly, no, i don't."
oh.
oh.
"i've been to this building plenty of times, though. it's a shame we haven't run into each other till now."
joowon's head is too busy sounding like a ten-car pileup that he barely registers the words. lee dongsik was definitely flirting with him. joowon flicks his eyes down to an empty ring finger and silently thanks god for it.
"a shame, yes," he stutters, trying to make his brain work normally. it's obviously failing because dongsik's smile just keeps spreading across his lips.
"you live here by yourself?" dongsik questions, voice too light and airy to not have an underlying question in it. he looks back down at the notepad and clears his throat before continuing the report.
"yes," joowon says, hopefully not too quickly. "my friend was the one that called, but he's away on a trip."
"a good friend," dongsik nods.
"only a friend," joowon announces, tongue not in his control. he's not sure where all this forwardness is coming from, but he does know that dongsik's ears are burning, which has to be a good sign. "not that you asked, but..."
"good to know," his gaze meets joowon's again. "you know, just in case we have to ever come back here." there's a mirth in his eyes that joowon finds himself reading into. maybe this almost dying thing was finally paying off.
"of course," joowon's lips start to turn up. "you know my door code now, so."
"i'll only use it for emergencies, scout's honor," dongsik holds three fingers up and plasters a too serious look on his face. "but try not to need me, han joowon. my line of work isn't one where i want to see you every day," he laughs, showing off the deep smile lines in full force. joowon notes his perfect teeth and the crow's feet that crinkle around his eyes. they make him feel giddy.
"i'll try," joowon nods. he stands up to reach into his work vest that's hanging nearby, pulling out his officer card with his name and department on it. "here, in case you ever find yourself in need of help," he smiles softly, inwardly cheering when dongsik takes the card and examines it before tucking it gently into his breast pocket. "though hopefully you won't."
"a man in uniform," dongsik purses his lips approvingly, nodding his head. "what precinct do you work with?"
"i'm out of headquarters," joowon answers. dongsik whistles under his breath.
"smart and handsome? it's almost unfair," dongsik grins, getting up from the couch and closing his notepad. "is this your direct line?" he pats the pocket on his chest with the card.
"my personal and my work phone. feel free to use either," joowon blushes, sticking his hands in his pockets to hide his fidgeting. "though i prefer you use the personal."
"i think i'll prefer that too," dongsik beams.
a voice comes through on his radio and dongsik responds, his team is being called elsewhere.
"i have to go but," dongsik looks unsure for a second before gently grabbing joowon's hand in his own. joowon doesn't even have time to process what's going on until he feels the smooth drag of ink across his skin and looks down to see a phone number there.
"my personal," dongsik explains, color high on his cheeks. "make sure to use it." he opens the front door again and is almost through before he turns back to joowon, who had been looking between the palm of his hand and the man, mouth ajar. "my day off is tomorrow," he winks, throwing his bag over his shoulder and finally leaving the apartment.
joowon doesn't even have to think about it before he texts his chief that he's calling in sick.
#shin hakyun#beyond evil#jwds#yeo jin goo#yeo jingoo#han joowon#han juwon#kdrama#my fic#lee dongsik#drabble#an excuse to write something purely fluffy for these two#they deserve a meet cute!
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Hey guys guess what
I'm coming down with something and my period has picked today to give me awful cramps
And I have finals next week
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it´s honestly so hard for me to even finish 15-30h games let alone 100h+ games because i get maybe 2-3h a night to game and the pacing of most games makes that feel extremely frustrating.
at this point i´m begging for more 1-6h games
#itch.io 20min horror games save me. i´m counting on you for my gaming enrichment.#i´m not saying that making long games is inherently bad because i know there are people who enjoy putting hundreds of hours into them#i just got too much going on with work. chores and pets to take care of to invest that time.#i prefer to enjoy games like a long movie if that makes sense. just sit down for a few hours for a day or two.#rip to all the 20-30h games i got 6-8h into and than was too busy to finish but now it´s awkward to pick them back up so i´d have to start#from the beginning but like. i´ll just get 6h in and than drop it again#honestly that´s why i love the resi games because most are just long enough to make it a fun weekend activity#elden ring is the worst for feeling like 2-3h are worth nothing because you won´t even get to finish that one (1) task you had in mind
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looping echidna beastlife gif from trying to figure out toonboom
#based loosely off the bird who keeps taunting my cats through the window. brown headed cowbird who will sit there#and flap it's wings and yell until the cats show up and then it starts pecking at the window and jumping back and forth in front of them#weird bird.#it's done this for like two years now i think#anyways. sound it makes when it fluffs up is vaguely similar to echidnas birdsong soundboard noise thing. so. yeag#whisp whispers#my art#ALSO. ANIMATION PRECOLLEGE IS SO AWESOME. IM SO. AHRHRHNFMDM GET ME OUT OF HIGHSCHOOL PRLESDRRRE GIVE ME AN ART TEACJER WHO CARES ABOUT ART#it's so awesome here. toonboom access!!!! this is so awesome. guys toonboom is so awesome. not to turn a hobby into a job but like i was#genuinely kind of sad when i didn't get to go to school over the weekend it's so awesome here. who was going to tell me college doesn't suck#miserably all the time. like it's a precollege but still this is so ??? so much better than anything i've done in the past 8 years#<-except for fine crafts one i miss u fine crafts ...... not even a fine arts credit. but it was a nice class#anyways point being. hm. maybe i could animate for a job. i used to think about it but hs art magnet is so bad guys it's so bad .and i#was like hm this sucks actually. also like worst period of my life but that's unrelated . but this is so. nice? and im DOING things and i#feel like i'm learning??? god i hope dual enrollment goes well maybe i will be able to make it through college...#im so. this is so awesome. precollege animation 2-week intensive thing i love you i love you i love you#BTW GUYS DID YOU KNOW ALL AUTODESK PRODUCTS ARE FREE AS LONG AS UR IN ANY SCHOOLING. MAYA. FOR FREE. FOR AS LONG AS ENROLLED IN ANY SCHOOL#AND THEN SOME !!! i don't even like 3d modeling that much but. maya for free??? that's awesome. that's awesome!! anyways#rambling. i think i missed all normal tags. uhhhhhhhhh#beastlife#<-oh no i only missed that one. awesome. guys i love it here this is so. arbrnsnnm i love you figure drawing. i'm having fun!#with charcoal!!!!! i thought i hated charcoal but this is like !!!!! so aweosme ?????? i'm#this is so awesome. this is so awesome. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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valorant catgirls on the brain again .... fade this time :3
#fade#valorant#hazal eyletmez#sorry for no art for a while ! i have been um . going thru it#this month has been the worst for a long time i am having a lot of SHit Happen ALL AT ONCE but i keep trucking#🥺👍#my car kaboomed . and i need to buy a new one . and everything costs so much#+other financial shit happening BUT ITS FINE BC I HAVE A BUNCH OF CONS NEXT MONTH#i am goign to be exhausted but i am going to be okay . staying strong staying positive crying a lot but thats fine it is like that sometimes#hope life is treating yall better than me rn <3#sorry for spontaneous vent in tags on unrelated art oops#anyway ! :D#i will be at adelaide ozcc next weekend / melbozcc the following weekend / sydnova the weekend after that !#ALSO super lookign forward to smash and avcon in july !!!! will have new merch for them if they arrive in time :]#but yes . back to binging totk to cope :] maybe new link art when i have free time again i love him so fuckign much its insane#mwah#my art
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couldnt even enjoy my shower bcuz a stink bug invaded it >:(((((
#Maybe had one of the worst isaac weekends in a long time#AND THEN THIS???????#come the fuck on. can i have anything rn.#news with isaac
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Elden Ring DLC is already amazing bc the first thing I did was die so some stealthy screaming naked maniac with gauntlets and the second thing I did was avoid the dog on fire that was positivley surrounded by bloodstains
#txts#i also forgot i didnt level up to 60 vigor and died a lot bc man these guys be hitting hard#anyhow...am at 60now...dont judge lol#but its past midnight so...bed time bc i have work tomorrow still#wont have a long weekend or time in a WHILE#worst case i'll have to work 10 days in a row but we'll see....and pray#also not grumpy guy going 'if you stop following miquella i will be your enemy' like aight cant wait for that fight bc now its def gonna#happen since you put it out in the world so openly!#elden ring#i have not yet found the....basket fire giant things#i skillfully avoided the first one i saw and forgot about it until now rip#did get the first dragon tho-the ghostfire one#yay me 120k runes richer and 1 level more#got shits expensive#i know endgame for everyone is like lv 150 but consider this: i wanna use EVERY weapon or at least try it#but ALSO do well w/ my main#so....i am gonna sludge here a lot rip
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#you're taking him with you right#(our other partner will be here tomorrow!)#(then after this weekend the next time I see them they'll be driving me home at the end of next month.)#(I'm kinda tired today which makes me Nervous but. I got a lot of brain-work done this week)#(so that if worst comes to worst my partners can pack most of my stuff for me.)#(and it probably will not come to that. even abled folks have low days.)#(but the prednisone is not a permanent solution and I don't actually know for sure how long it will even work.)#(so. being tired makes me Nervous. but it'll be fine.)#(like to clarify it is a lot closer to Regular Tired than the completely debilitating fatigue I was struggling through last weekend)#(but it still makes me worry a little -n- )
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this was probably the worst long weekend of my life, tbh
#talking#I had an iron infusion -- and a lot of side effects which made me miss my flight to see my fiancee#then my brother's dog has acute respiratory distress syndrome (? I believe) and has to be euthanized at under 2 years old#she was dead for twenty minutes before they were able to revive her but at thet point it was too late#and I just....not even 2. lady wasnt even 2.#I'm shocked. upset. exhausted. and I feel like shit#and we have a ~ staff retreat ~ tomorrow that I'll have to go deal with#truly worst weekend in a long time#dog death mention -#animal death mention -
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you ever just see a post and just
. 😭
.⬅️🫀⬅️
#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up#don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon#outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid#shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the#entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking#ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so#thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck#And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me#There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder#everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend#“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when#you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn#At least someone wants to talk to me#Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others#promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life#Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting#What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something#It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you#Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn#Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place#And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject#Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like#Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me#It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn#I fucking hate everything
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okay i'm struggling again
#she bork#tbd#idk i'll be fine life is just very mean and unfair and worst of all ordinary and dull. i go to work i come home i do nothing worthwhile.#weekends are never long enough and i never get to cram enough into them to enjoy myself. if life was mean but also generous and glamorous i#could maybe put up w it bc for every low there would be a high but it's not. it's just mean and you hit that low and then instead of it#being followed by a high you just end up on a plateau and eventually you hit another low. god i just don't think i was supposed to live in#this ordinary boring tedious life like i'm not made for it. not in a pretentious arrogant way but in a way that's like i'm going fucking#crazy like i have cabin fever but w my life rather than my environment (which tbh maybe they come down to one and the same). idk sometimes i#want to just blow up my life and go somewhere else and do something else and have fun and not feel so weighted down by responsibilities and#bills and worry about money specifically. like i was miserable in high school but now i think i look back on it fondly bc 1. no true#responsibilities or high stakes and/but 2. the stakes always FELT high like i was CONSTANTLY up and down and euphoric and depressed. not#healthy at all but it always felt like something was HAPPENING and now it just doesn't. i have always though that bored was the worst thing#to be and now here i am all the time it feels like. bored.#and again at the root of everything is that life is mean. mean mean mean. sometimes shit just HAPPENS that's bad and fucks you over and#there's nothing you can do about it. and again if there was something guaranteed to make up for it that would be fine but there's not. you#just have to recover and let it go and move on. and i'm not good at that
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i really can’t be asked to work today. please just let me have one day
#max’s thoughts#i’m legit doing from thursday (just gone) til next thursday including weekends#and like i know i asked for full time but dude#making me work 4 days in a row including the weekend#and then not giving me the day off and expecting me to work again another 4 days in a row#is like insane#and i have the worst shifts next week like tell me why i finish at like 10.30/11pm#probably to most people doing 8 days in a row isn’t a lot but#when you break your foot and it’s painful to stand on for a long period of time#trust me that’s a lot#i just want like monday off or something#but instead i have to wait until next friday#anyway rant over
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the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it
#4 different people have left me on read today; 1 cancelled our plans 4 hours before we were due to meet#I've been sitting home alone for 2 days going insane. looking forward to One (1) coffee date & that fell through#idk why I'm taking it so hard this time I'm usually fine!! but I find myself wishing I didn't have the day off I wish I did have work :(#like it's tiring yeah but it beats sitting here not knowing what to do w myself#& I'm working all weekend & only leaving the house to see the doctor. oh joy#I've been productive ironing writing fixing the car. that's not the problem#I had 4 social plans this month. that's it#that's like seeing each friend once a month!! I can't keep this up!!#is this the norm for adulthood? :(#& on one level I don't want to bother people or be clingy#but on another level I'm baffled that they don't get lonely too#the news has not shut up abt the Loneliness Epidemic since 2021#but if it's true why do so many people take so long to reply when I reach out? if they reply at all#I'm not going anywhere w this. idk#just one of those days#everything so fuck everybody suck :(#boomers got it right w the whole showing up unannounced at people's houses for a social call with a pound cake#now I have to go through 5 layers of bureaucratic bullshit to see a friend#assuming they don't cancel the day of ofc (((((:#I just wanna be like hello knock knock I am here. tell me abt yr life today & listen to mine & eat this cake#& the worst is when people are like 'I'm cancelling bc I'm tired xx'#OK A) u knew we had these plans for two weeks#but B) I'm tired too! I still love u ur still my friend! let us be tired together!#'I won't be social today I'm tired' my love we could watch movies in silence we could knit we could ball yr socks. idc#'I have to do the big shop today sorry' so do I!!! let us do the groceries together!!!#every time I've pushed someone to come out when they felt depressed or to let me accompany them when they were doing chores#they were like u know what I'm so glad u did this. thank u. this is way better than how I had planned this night to go#& I'm like any time!! I love u!!#& then it just happens all over again next time oh sorry I'm cancelling I'm busy I'm tired#like did u forget what a nice time we had last time? what changed? :(
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